She wiped the floor with all the assholes.

Hello. I am supposed to keep this thing updated so everyone can follow my craptastic life so here it goes...

I am addicted to this Splash game and I have no idea why. I like when it all works out and you clear everything in a click. I also am attempting to workout my brain and do those crap Sudoku puzzles sometimes. I get frustrated too easily though.

I think the web comic Married to the Sea is funny. It's by Natalie Dee and Drew Toothpaste.

I have applied to every Communications, Marketing and PR job in the Philadelphia area.

I am learning how to use a sewing machine. I don't understand patterns and sewing lingo so I usually just guess and mess up a lot. It's fun though. My mom helped me make a bag:

I broke my mother's expensive ass, new stovetop thing by dropping a plate on it.

I went to Florida for my dad's 50th birthday and sort of got a tan.

I read a lot of books.

And uh...I think that's it?

Connecticut.

My fortune cookie says, "You think that it is a secret, but it never has been one."

Joanne says, "You suck at fortune telling, fortune cookie!"

Colorado.

Driving the speed limit is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Seriously, it's only 55 MPH on 95! 55! Do the speed limit makers even know how annoyingly slow that is?

I bet really really old men from New Jersey get to decide the speed limit.

California.

It's so fucking nice outside. I heart spring. In fact, I think I heart spring more than any other season.

I wore flip flops and did yard work and sat on a porch so far today. It was awesome.

Yay for warmth.

Arizona.

I think I have officially started on the path to becoming a crazy, hermit, shut-in recluse. I haven't started collecting newspapers or refusing to take the trash out or anything yet, but I'm just...weirder all of a sudden.

For example, today after I took a shower (I don't think recluses do that) I couldn't find my pants. Yes, I totally have a pair of unemployed lounging pants that I wear when I sit and stare at the wall. They are not sweatpants though! I do not believe in sweating especially in my pants thus why I don't own sweatpants. They are cute Old Navy yoga pants that one is supposed to exercise in or something. However, I do not believe in exercise so I lounge in them.

Anyway, I couldn't find my pants and to help me find them I composed a little top ten hit of a song. Here is an excerpt:

We can pants. Where's my pants?
Everybody takin' my pants.
Safety pants.
Safety pants.

When I finally found my pants, I amused myself by singing the whole song with the word pants instead of dance. I am totally including Safety Pants on my new album, "Unemployed Joanne Sings Hits of Unemployment: Volume One." I could be the next Kevin Federline.

Alaska.

I need a haircut. Badly. My hair is starting to look like a cross between Hurley's from Lost and the lady from Dilbert:

Arkansas.

Cool thing to whilst bored: Research your family history from Ellis Island. I found my grandmother's father (on my father's side) and learned really bizarre things from his ship's manifesto. He was a tailor, was 5'10, had a scar by his left eye and came over to America paying his own way with $25 in his pocket. I think everyone else in my family came over illegally.

I'm nerdy, I really like this kind of stuff.