Creepster

In my line of work (doesn't that sound fancy?!) I get a lot of calls from vendors looking for work. It's hard because I really wish I had enough work for everyone, but I just don’t. But if I did have enough work for everyone I still wouldn’t give any to this one rep I shall refer to as Derek. Basically, he is both extremely annoying and creepy. He calls me about once a month, and then follows up with an email stating the same exact thing he said in his voicemail. I have nicely emailed him back three times telling him I am not interested in working with him. That was in 2009, but he stills continues to call me monthly.

Because of my anal retentive nature, I keep notes of all my phone calls including voicemails. Here’s a sampling of some notes I wrote during Derek’s voicemails:

- BIG GIANT stalker pants
- still annoying
- tells bad jokes
- ANNOYING, slightly less creepy, but still not creepy
- wants to “help my career with his company’s big benefits" – is he a molester?
- vomit, vomit, vomit

Any suggestions on how to get rid of him without actually having to speak to him? He obviously is not getting the hint and I don’t think I can speak to him without cursing at him.

[I'm trying really hard to not write (aka complain) about work all the time, but I'm there 40 hours a week, and it's really hard not to. I think the only other things I do that much is sleep, and that's really uninteresting.]

Voicemails I Leave

Hi, it's Joanne from [company]. I need to talk to you about the proof you sent because whatever you did was really bad. Can you just undo whatever that was? Um, we just kind of hate it. Because it's obviously bad, you know? I mean when I look at it, I can see a lot that's bad which we don't like. Well, anyway, please call me back when you get a chance and we can discuss it. Have a nice day!

A blonde walks into a bar...

One nice thing about my job [I know! Not a complaint, a nice thing!] is that the majority of people I deal with on a daily basis, I have never met face-to-face; our clients are all over the country and so is most of the staff. It's a pretty good deal, they call and talk, and I roll my eyes and listen.

Today I met one of the managers who lives in California that I talk to daily. It was totally hilarious to meet her because she took one look at me and said, "You're not blonde!" She pictured me as a "very tall blonde."

So not only do I sound blonde on the phone, but also tall. Go me.

My 200th Post!

You know what’s really weird about the working world? Okay, well my working world which is very different from a normal person’s working world. [Side note: Have I ever had a normal job at a normal place? I guess my internship counts, but when you think of what they actually did, sold bunny sweaters and a load of other crap to people sitting on their couches, that isn’t too normal.]

Anyway, back to the really weird thing… People here talk all the time in the bathroom. Like a stall to stall full-on conversation. I don’t want to talk to you in there! That’s where I go to escape from you and contemplate the extreme evilness that is you and [Company]. And, let’s not forget that even if I did want to talk to you, it wouldn’t be about work.

It especially freaks me out that these people look under the frakking (+10 girlfriend points) stall and check out the shoes of whoever is in the next stall to identify them. I can’t wear my adorable red princess shoes v2.0 because they stand out too much. I shouldn’t have to plan my footwear around bathroom stalking; I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s unconstitutional.

Stop footwear oppression, just let me pee!

TGIF times a Million.

An actual email I received from my boss this morning:

Please let anyone looking for me know that due to the terrible accents everywhere that I will be in late today.

Le sigh.

(Don't get it? Read the email again.)