You know what’s really weird about the working world? Okay, well my working world which is very different from a normal person’s working world. [Side note: Have I ever had a normal job at a normal place? I guess my internship counts, but when you think of what they actually did, sold bunny sweaters and a load of other crap to people sitting on their couches, that isn’t too normal.]
Anyway, back to the really weird thing… People here talk all the time in the bathroom. Like a stall to stall full-on conversation. I don’t want to talk to you in there! That’s where I go to escape from you and contemplate the extreme evilness that is you and [Company]. And, let’s not forget that even if I did want to talk to you, it wouldn’t be about work.
It especially freaks me out that these people look under the frakking (+10 girlfriend points) stall and check out the shoes of whoever is in the next stall to identify them. I can’t wear my adorable red princess shoes v2.0 because they stand out too much. I shouldn’t have to plan my footwear around bathroom stalking; I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s unconstitutional.
Stop footwear oppression, just let me pee!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
Pop Music.
Every time I hear “Glamorous” by Fergie, I always get really excited because I secretly hope and pray that the word “Mustang” got changed to “mustache.”
In my head, it goes like this: “I like to go cool out with the family, sipping reminiscing on days when I had a Mustache.”
It’s so much better my way.
In my head, it goes like this: “I like to go cool out with the family, sipping reminiscing on days when I had a Mustache.”
It’s so much better my way.
Friday, January 19, 2007
TGIF times a Million.
An actual email I received from my boss this morning:
(Don't get it? Read the email again.)
Please let anyone looking for me know that due to the terrible accents everywhere that I will be in late today.Le sigh.
(Don't get it? Read the email again.)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Bad Grammar is Bad.
I saw a commercial for Adoptions from the Heart when I was watching TV the other night that greatly alarmed me.
So fade in (Aren't I hip?) to a voiceover discussing how giving up your baby for adoption is one of the hardest decisions one has to make and how it's okay to do it and all that smooshiness. But the visual image accompanying this moving speech is a woman TEXT MESSAGING her baby's daddy. (Okay, I'm assuming it was the dad and I'm also saying woman even though I kind of think it was a teenager, but they never showed her face and I don't want to make any generalizations about black teenage mothers and massive infertility in 2027 and such.)
Any way, the text messages were like "where r u?" "we need to talk," "im putting the baby up for adoption" She tells the dude via TEXT MESSAGE with bad text message grammar and punctuation that she is giving away their child. This organization is stressing the importance and seriousness of adoption and they show the decision making over text messages?! If you ever tell me important information via text or email at least show me some respect and fucking capitalize and punctuate it please.
Okay, so I just looked at the site (while at work so who knows what they know think about me) and you can watch the commercial online! It's the Tom commercial. Enjoy!
So fade in (Aren't I hip?) to a voiceover discussing how giving up your baby for adoption is one of the hardest decisions one has to make and how it's okay to do it and all that smooshiness. But the visual image accompanying this moving speech is a woman TEXT MESSAGING her baby's daddy. (Okay, I'm assuming it was the dad and I'm also saying woman even though I kind of think it was a teenager, but they never showed her face and I don't want to make any generalizations about black teenage mothers and massive infertility in 2027 and such.)
Any way, the text messages were like "where r u?" "we need to talk," "im putting the baby up for adoption" She tells the dude via TEXT MESSAGE with bad text message grammar and punctuation that she is giving away their child. This organization is stressing the importance and seriousness of adoption and they show the decision making over text messages?! If you ever tell me important information via text or email at least show me some respect and fucking capitalize and punctuate it please.
Okay, so I just looked at the site (while at work so who knows what they know think about me) and you can watch the commercial online! It's the Tom commercial. Enjoy!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The 2006 Nutshell.
Wow, I wrote something! Woohoo! I was going to make a best of something list for 2006, but I don’t want to hurt any inanimate objects or people who don’t know or care about me’s feelings. So, without further adieu, (I love that word) I present Joanne’s non-numbered list of fun/great/awesome/yay! Things of 2006.
The Decemberists
If I were the kind of person to make a CD list, The Crane Wife would definitely be on there. It’s delightful to my ears and I like how they pronounce certain words all funny like cinnamon. Sin A Mon. Getting drunk and seeing them in concert is never a bad idea and neither is doing it sober.
That Outback song
Okay, so this year I had a total mom moment. I was listening to the radio and was like “Hey, this song is fun…La la la…Why do they keep mentioning outback? Are they Australian? I bet they are. I wonder if they know Nicole Kidman, every other Australian does. Hmm, wait, I’m pretty sure they are singing about the Outback restaurant. Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s a commercial Joanne, you idiot.”
(I swear that is how it went down in my head.)
So yeah, I know nothing about who sings it or if they are a real band or not, but I love it and if I ate steak I would totally go outback tonight because life will still be there tomorrow…
Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home by Nando Parrado
As many of you know, I have an obsession with the story of the Uruguayan rugby team being stranded on the Andes. It’s kind of a sick obsession I guess, but it’s a true story and is way better than most fiction. I read Alive first, but if you were only going to read one of these, I would read Parrado’s book. (If you saw the movie, Nando is played by Ethan Hawke.) I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it’s heartwarming and touching without being cheesy. I think I cried about three pounds of tears. It really is a story about love and God, but Parrado has such a nice view of religion and on life in general.
PS. I totally would have died within 4 minutes if that happened to me.
Heroes
I like TV. I like watching and reading about it because I am a nerd. Some of it really stinks, but some of it is really good (The Office, Veronica Mars, How I Met Your Mother) and Heroes is really good. It had a weird start with all the over talking and explaining. (I understand the moving images in front of me, please stop.) But it’s gotten much better so don’t be lame, watch it. There are a few characters I could live without, I’m looking at you, stupid Niki/Jessica/DL and Indian guy with all your talking and being dumb, but the cast is large and overall pretty awesome, especially now looking at you, Masi Oka.
The Departed
There actually isn’t much to say here because of the two people who read this you know how I felt about this movie. As odd it is, it’s a good sign when Juan has to change his shirt after seeing a movie.
Nintendo Wii
I suck at sports and things that involve hand eye coordination and balance and skills and standing upright and walking and telling stories, but in spite of all that, I still have fun playing Wii. I seriously doubt actually running around with a tennis racket is as fun as swinging a Wiimote back and forth. Although, having a sword and killing evil bats is probably more fun in real life than in Zelda…
Having a Job
It sucks and I hate it, but I have one and I’m thankful plus I do ridiculous stuff everyday and contribute to society like a good citizen.
Gnarls Barkley
Again, if I were to commit to having a best CD of 2006 list, I may or may not say St. Elsewhere would be in the top quadrant, but besides the music, the duo (look at me with my fancy use of the word "duo") in general is fun. There are costumes! And fake names! It’s like musical theater, but cool! Exclamation point!
Sweaty Robot
You know what, this whole list is based on biases because it’s my list and whatever I want can go on so why not add Sweaty Robot? They make things that are funny and the world needs more funny.
The Internet
Okay, so the Internet isn’t 2006-specific but it makes life so much easier and I feel like we should think about that every once in awhile. Everything you could ever want (and ever not want) is just a few seconds away. It helps me pass the time at work and it entertains me with its words, images and videos. So Yay! for you Internet, high five!
There was lots of other great stuff in 2006, but quite frankly, my brain hurts and I should really get back to work. Bonjour!
The Decemberists
If I were the kind of person to make a CD list, The Crane Wife would definitely be on there. It’s delightful to my ears and I like how they pronounce certain words all funny like cinnamon. Sin A Mon. Getting drunk and seeing them in concert is never a bad idea and neither is doing it sober.
That Outback song
Okay, so this year I had a total mom moment. I was listening to the radio and was like “Hey, this song is fun…La la la…Why do they keep mentioning outback? Are they Australian? I bet they are. I wonder if they know Nicole Kidman, every other Australian does. Hmm, wait, I’m pretty sure they are singing about the Outback restaurant. Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s a commercial Joanne, you idiot.”
(I swear that is how it went down in my head.)
So yeah, I know nothing about who sings it or if they are a real band or not, but I love it and if I ate steak I would totally go outback tonight because life will still be there tomorrow…
Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home by Nando Parrado
As many of you know, I have an obsession with the story of the Uruguayan rugby team being stranded on the Andes. It’s kind of a sick obsession I guess, but it’s a true story and is way better than most fiction. I read Alive first, but if you were only going to read one of these, I would read Parrado’s book. (If you saw the movie, Nando is played by Ethan Hawke.) I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it’s heartwarming and touching without being cheesy. I think I cried about three pounds of tears. It really is a story about love and God, but Parrado has such a nice view of religion and on life in general.
PS. I totally would have died within 4 minutes if that happened to me.
Heroes
I like TV. I like watching and reading about it because I am a nerd. Some of it really stinks, but some of it is really good (The Office, Veronica Mars, How I Met Your Mother) and Heroes is really good. It had a weird start with all the over talking and explaining. (I understand the moving images in front of me, please stop.) But it’s gotten much better so don’t be lame, watch it. There are a few characters I could live without, I’m looking at you, stupid Niki/Jessica/DL and Indian guy with all your talking and being dumb, but the cast is large and overall pretty awesome, especially now looking at you, Masi Oka.
The Departed
There actually isn’t much to say here because of the two people who read this you know how I felt about this movie. As odd it is, it’s a good sign when Juan has to change his shirt after seeing a movie.
Nintendo Wii
I suck at sports and things that involve hand eye coordination and balance and skills and standing upright and walking and telling stories, but in spite of all that, I still have fun playing Wii. I seriously doubt actually running around with a tennis racket is as fun as swinging a Wiimote back and forth. Although, having a sword and killing evil bats is probably more fun in real life than in Zelda…
Having a Job
It sucks and I hate it, but I have one and I’m thankful plus I do ridiculous stuff everyday and contribute to society like a good citizen.
Gnarls Barkley
Again, if I were to commit to having a best CD of 2006 list, I may or may not say St. Elsewhere would be in the top quadrant, but besides the music, the duo (look at me with my fancy use of the word "duo") in general is fun. There are costumes! And fake names! It’s like musical theater, but cool! Exclamation point!
Sweaty Robot
You know what, this whole list is based on biases because it’s my list and whatever I want can go on so why not add Sweaty Robot? They make things that are funny and the world needs more funny.
The Internet
Okay, so the Internet isn’t 2006-specific but it makes life so much easier and I feel like we should think about that every once in awhile. Everything you could ever want (and ever not want) is just a few seconds away. It helps me pass the time at work and it entertains me with its words, images and videos. So Yay! for you Internet, high five!
There was lots of other great stuff in 2006, but quite frankly, my brain hurts and I should really get back to work. Bonjour!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Somethings.
Today things happened:
Thing That Annoyed Me: Mondays suck. Everyone knows that. It's super fucking great when you are finally able to be so in denial about the fact that it is Monday and you have five full days of hearing aids, pardon instruments, left that you can convince yourself that it is not Monday. But then of course, you step into your car and the local easy listening station has to play Monday songs. Because nothing helps Monday pass than being constantly reminded about it through smooth jams like "Manic Monday."
Thing That Creeped Me Out: My boss told me I wasn't allowed to wear my green skirt tomorrow because she loved it so much and she was finally able to track down one for herself. Then she asked me where I got my pants because those were great too...
Thing That Made Me Sleepy: Pretending that my tasks to complete for the next three days actually took longer than two hours. Seriously, it is not THAT hard to title 8 columns in a spreadsheet.
Thing That Annoyed Me: Mondays suck. Everyone knows that. It's super fucking great when you are finally able to be so in denial about the fact that it is Monday and you have five full days of hearing aids, pardon instruments, left that you can convince yourself that it is not Monday. But then of course, you step into your car and the local easy listening station has to play Monday songs. Because nothing helps Monday pass than being constantly reminded about it through smooth jams like "Manic Monday."
Thing That Creeped Me Out: My boss told me I wasn't allowed to wear my green skirt tomorrow because she loved it so much and she was finally able to track down one for herself. Then she asked me where I got my pants because those were great too...
Thing That Made Me Sleepy: Pretending that my tasks to complete for the next three days actually took longer than two hours. Seriously, it is not THAT hard to title 8 columns in a spreadsheet.
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