Ugh!

I feel a little snobby about the rant I am about to make, but not snobby enough not to make it.

I really like to read. In fact, I would probably put reading in my top three of favorite things to do. I try to read a book a week, but it gets expensive and I am completely skeeved out by library books. But that is an equally snobby rant for another time.

I like going to bookstores (Borders has an amazing rewards program that I heartily recommend) and wandering around aimlessly to find books I want to read. I am not ashamed to admit that I totally judge books by their covers. I would buy a book because the cover is cool or if it uses the kind of paper I like. But I would also not buy a book because the cover is lame and number one in books with lame covers are books that get reissued as movie tie-ins with covers featuring the stars of the movie versions.

Example:


The book cover is now exactly the same as the movie poster! Aggravating! The original book design is completely lost to showcase whichever celebrity is in the movie. I feel like this discourages some people from buying the book since they know they can just go see the movie instead.

Here's another one that is extra annoying:


"I am Legend" is a book of short stories. There is more in there then the one that became a movie starring Will Smith! (Plus that other cover is awesome because it is creepy as anything.)

I know nothing can be done about this and it must be incredibly exciting for the writer to see their book "come to life" but seriously can we make it so books, US Weekly and People magazine are not indistinguishable? Can't we limit the movie part to something that can be removed like a sticker? Then it makes me less cranky and there will be less reissuing and more trees.

[I will admit that I own two books with movie covers, Virgin Suicides and Prozac Nation, but I don't think either lets the "celebrity" overpower the cover. Plus I don't think Prozac Nation was ever released.]

The 2006 Nutshell.

Wow, I wrote something! Woohoo! I was going to make a best of something list for 2006, but I don’t want to hurt any inanimate objects or people who don’t know or care about me’s feelings. So, without further adieu, (I love that word) I present Joanne’s non-numbered list of fun/great/awesome/yay! Things of 2006.

The Decemberists
If I were the kind of person to make a CD list, The Crane Wife would definitely be on there. It’s delightful to my ears and I like how they pronounce certain words all funny like cinnamon. Sin A Mon. Getting drunk and seeing them in concert is never a bad idea and neither is doing it sober.

That Outback song
Okay, so this year I had a total mom moment. I was listening to the radio and was like “Hey, this song is fun…La la la…Why do they keep mentioning outback? Are they Australian? I bet they are. I wonder if they know Nicole Kidman, every other Australian does. Hmm, wait, I’m pretty sure they are singing about the Outback restaurant. Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s a commercial Joanne, you idiot.”

(I swear that is how it went down in my head.)

So yeah, I know nothing about who sings it or if they are a real band or not, but I love it and if I ate steak I would totally go outback tonight because life will still be there tomorrow…

Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home by Nando Parrado
As many of you know, I have an obsession with the story of the Uruguayan rugby team being stranded on the Andes. It’s kind of a sick obsession I guess, but it’s a true story and is way better than most fiction. I read Alive first, but if you were only going to read one of these, I would read Parrado’s book. (If you saw the movie, Nando is played by Ethan Hawke.) I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but it’s heartwarming and touching without being cheesy. I think I cried about three pounds of tears. It really is a story about love and God, but Parrado has such a nice view of religion and on life in general.

PS. I totally would have died within 4 minutes if that happened to me.

Heroes
I like TV. I like watching and reading about it because I am a nerd. Some of it really stinks, but some of it is really good (The Office, Veronica Mars, How I Met Your Mother) and Heroes is really good. It had a weird start with all the over talking and explaining. (I understand the moving images in front of me, please stop.) But it’s gotten much better so don’t be lame, watch it. There are a few characters I could live without, I’m looking at you, stupid Niki/Jessica/DL and Indian guy with all your talking and being dumb, but the cast is large and overall pretty awesome, especially now looking at you, Masi Oka.

The Departed
There actually isn’t much to say here because of the two people who read this you know how I felt about this movie. As odd it is, it’s a good sign when Juan has to change his shirt after seeing a movie.

Nintendo Wii
I suck at sports and things that involve hand eye coordination and balance and skills and standing upright and walking and telling stories, but in spite of all that, I still have fun playing Wii. I seriously doubt actually running around with a tennis racket is as fun as swinging a Wiimote back and forth. Although, having a sword and killing evil bats is probably more fun in real life than in Zelda…

Having a Job
It sucks and I hate it, but I have one and I’m thankful plus I do ridiculous stuff everyday and contribute to society like a good citizen.

Gnarls Barkley
Again, if I were to commit to having a best CD of 2006 list, I may or may not say St. Elsewhere would be in the top quadrant, but besides the music, the duo (look at me with my fancy use of the word "duo") in general is fun. There are costumes! And fake names! It’s like musical theater, but cool! Exclamation point!

Sweaty Robot
You know what, this whole list is based on biases because it’s my list and whatever I want can go on so why not add Sweaty Robot? They make things that are funny and the world needs more funny.

The Internet
Okay, so the Internet isn’t 2006-specific but it makes life so much easier and I feel like we should think about that every once in awhile. Everything you could ever want (and ever not want) is just a few seconds away. It helps me pass the time at work and it entertains me with its words, images and videos. So Yay! for you Internet, high five!

There was lots of other great stuff in 2006, but quite frankly, my brain hurts and I should really get back to work. Bonjour!

Official Announcement: I am a Nerd.

I got drunk the other day which is suprising I know because I hardly do that. I mean I am unemployed so I don't really have the time to drink.

But yeah, I ordered six books drunkenly. I am that big of a nerd that I bought books drunk. I don't know what made me order them, but I did.

I got 3 of the books in the mail today and they were pretty random so I went to Half.com to see what the hell I got and I actually did an okay job. Confusing, but okay. I think I randomly picked stuff off my wishlist and that Half.com told me too. However, I bought Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix which is really confusing to me because I already read it and I don't know why I would randomly buy the fifth book in the series. I didn't even really like that one as much. I don't know. I wish I understood how my brain worked.

Dancing goats.

Half.com recommended that I buy the book "What to Expect when you are Expecting." I don't know if this is better or worse then when all their recommendations were stories about lesbians and gay culture.

I think I have officially been living at home too long. The sound of people in my family chewing drives me insane. Like I seriously have those dream sequences in my head where you do some bizarre act like drown them in the kitchen sink like in Best Friends Forever, a short written and directed by Juan so I may be biased in my like of it and its influence on my desire to murder people who chew loudly and smack their lips and for fuck's sake, keep your goddamn mouth closed!

I also need a new career aspiration. Any ideas? Apparently, I am not qualified to be an administrative assistant because I don't have past job experience that shows that I know how to type, file, answer phones and be nice to people. Alright, well, I can do three of those at least.

Summer has officially started. I have gotten three mosquito bites.

Skeevy.

Ew, I'm grossed out I bought a book on Half.com and the seller definitely lied because the book is not in very good condition and does not have "slight wear from reading." It's dirty and gross and the cover looks like it went through a dog's intestinal tract.

Even though in the 5-ish years I've been using Half.com and eBay this is the first time I ever bought something that grossed me out to the extent of being unable to touch the item I still may have difficulty buying something from there next time.