Best Seller

I think I'm going to write a book about job hunting. Possible titles include You Were One of the Top Candidates, But... and It Was Down to You and One Other Person, But...

I have been on countless interviews and applied for an even more countless number of jobs. I should use all the pointless knowledge I've gained for something good (and profitable).

I can share:
- excuses to get time off your current job (if applicable)
- how to pretend like you are paying attention to an interviewer
- how to cover when you realize you don't remember the question you are answering
- how to navigate Philadelphia parking
- what to do when a bird poops on your head before an interview
- the best places to change into interview clothes
- how to deal with the interviewer making you cry
- different ways to say "Wow, that sounds interesting" even when it doesn't
- how to handle asshole questions like "What animal describes you best?"

Seriously, how could it not be a best seller?!

Wear a Raincoat.

Random thought I had while waiting 56 weeks for the pharmacist to package my drugs: Why is the condom and lubricant aisle at the drugstore categorized under "Family Planning"? Isn't buying condoms more of preventing a family than planning one? I feel it should be renamed to Contraceptives and Other Stuff. They may need to work on that end part though.

A blonde walks into a bar...

One nice thing about my job [I know! Not a complaint, a nice thing!] is that the majority of people I deal with on a daily basis, I have never met face-to-face; our clients are all over the country and so is most of the staff. It's a pretty good deal, they call and talk, and I roll my eyes and listen.

Today I met one of the managers who lives in California that I talk to daily. It was totally hilarious to meet her because she took one look at me and said, "You're not blonde!" She pictured me as a "very tall blonde."

So not only do I sound blonde on the phone, but also tall. Go me.

Family Love.

"You have a lot of red shoes. Are you a whore?" - My sister

Obsession.

I am completely obsessed with Wawa's green tea with pomegranate. This means that it will soon be discontinued so please run, drive or walk to your nearest Wawa and try it. Go!

Clavicle.

Today a random lady told me I had a nice collarbone.

I was both creeped out and flattered.

Thanks lady!

Heed My Words and Take Flight.

I was feeling an extra bit depressed the other day and I had the most random thought that immediately cheered me up. I don't think I've ever had an "instant smile" moment from a thought in my head before. Other people or something have definitely caused that reaction, but I don't think I've ever done it to myself. At least not this randomly.

Anyway, so woe is me, I'm feeling sad and then into my head pops, "The next time you're at the checkout counter and you hear the beep, think of all the fun you can have on...SUPERMARKET SWEEP!"

Seriously, that is all I needed, just that phrase and I was smiling.

Please tell me other people remember Supermarket Sweep. It was one of my absolute favorite things. It probably still would be if it was still on. I used to make Nina play it with me in our grandparent's basement and I totally had a whole plan figured out for how to win the big sweep. Sadly, I could still probably recount it for you. (Meats, diapers, medicine, coffee, paper products, bonus item. They never showed the complete layout of the store so it was hard to decide on the order. Very stressing.)

I guess in a way Supermarket Sweep was like the Nickelodeon toy run, but for housewives and young me. The idea of running (I know, me running!) in a grocery store filling up shopping carts was thrilling.

The next time you are feeling blue, just think of me and Supermarket Sweep and just laugh because I am that much of a dork. (I tried to think of a good rhyme, but everything was too cheesy.)

I've Got Rhythm?

Today I amused myself with Song Tapper. Using only your space bar you can tap out the rhythm of a song and it will guess what you are tapping. Of course, I have no rhythm and was horrible at it. It only got one of my attempts (Like a Virgin by Madonna) but it was still a fun way to pass the time. My favorite part is listening to the tap play back. No wonder they can't guess any of mine, they all sound like a cat ran across a piano and fell asleep on some of the keys.

Shamrock Shake.

Today I tried my first shamrock shake. I was told it tasted like "thin mint ice cream." Incorrect! It tasted like frozen toothpaste mixed with fluoride and stirred with dental floss.

Across the Universe.

Recently, I rented Across the Universe (using one of my free Redbox codes) and well, let's just say I am very grateful it was free! Quick review of things I like: The Beatles, musicals, movies, music, the '60's, and strawberries. Following the mathematical formula Things I Like multiplied by Number of Things I Like = Movie I Like, I should have liked this movie. But I didn't and it made me sad. I don't know if I'm just an oddball here, I was really surprised this has a 7.7 out of 10 on IMDB. Maybe I had too high expectations?

Basic summary of my general dislike: too long, and I just didn't care about the characters or story.

Longer explanation of my dislike starts off with the biggest annoyance, I just didn't buy the "love" between the two main characters. I guess I should stop here and say "Spoilers Ahead." Anywho, Lucy and Jude seemed to just end up together because they were near one another. I get that he dug her from when he first saw her, but she was in love with someone else and there didn't seem to be any chemistry. I feel like it would have been more effective to have it be a love at first sight kind of story or show the audience him pursuing her. Going on one walk doesn't count. They had a nice little moment when they first met with their flirty teeth talk but then nothing.

I think they could have done this better and my suggestion would be to kill off Lucy's brother and Jude's roommate and friend, Max, when he went to Vietnam. This would have brought Jude and Lucy together and made Lucy's anti-war stance even more justified. Sub rant: Lucy went from being a preppy high school kid to dressing like a soccer mom, they could have tossed a little bit of hippie on her instead of vomiting it all over Sadie's wardrobe.

#2 -- It pissed me off how the writer threw in random side characters in order to reference another Beatles' song. Oh, did she really "come in through the bathroom window?" How clever and hip you are movie! I could have lived without lesbian Prudence disappearing and reappearing, and Sadie and Jojo's band and their woes. To me, these made the movie too long and dragged it down. They could have used that time to build and develop Jude and Lucy's relationship. A lot of what happened and was sung could have happened without the shift to those characters.

Next up is the whole ridiculousness with Lucy being mad at Jude for not going out and being more active in the anti-war movement. Bitch, he was in this country illegally to be with your dumb ass thus why it's probably best for him to avoid any legal trouble. This brings up another point, I'm not exactly sure why Jude had to be English. Was it just because The Beatles were? He got deported (because of dumb Lucy) and then seemed to get a real Visa in about two weeks. Oh, heavens! However did the star crossed lovers handle such separation?

Returning to the war issue, but I felt that it didn't affect Jude. Yes, it affected him because it was a major world event in his lifetime, it was wrong and horrible, innocent people died and his best friend was drafted, but it wasn't like super personal. As Lucy mentioned, he couldn't get drafted and they never mention any of the war's effect on England and his family and friends there. Again, another good reason to have killed Max.

I will be nice and say that everyone in the film could sing very will and I think Jim Sturgess did a good job as Jude. Other positives included the bowling alley scene (musical numbers in bowling alleys rock) for the awesome song and showing Jude and his attraction to Lucy, and the Mr. Kite scene and its effects or whatever it would be called.

I really wanted to like this movie, but it just didn't happen. I just didn't care. They had good material to work with (the entire Beatles' catalog) and good basics for a story, but it needed a bit more thought and focus. It might be worth a rental to play in the background while you hang out, but it's not seeing in a theater or buying the DVD worthy.

Wow, that was long! If you made it through all that, please reward yourself with this gem.

I Recommend.

Redbox -- Movies for ONE DOLLAR per night! Well, alright it's a dollar plus tax so it's a whopping $1.06 in PA. Sign up on their website and get a free rental then you get a free rental code about once every two weeks as well. I have been seeing these kiosks all over the place lately.

The Bad: It's only new releases and "mainstream" movies. (Although, I don't know if this will change in the future though since it's a fairly new service in most areas.) You don't get the special features if they are not on the main DVD.

Hulu -- Free and legal TV! Sign up for the beta and you can watch new and old shows from NBC, Fox, USA, Bravo, E! and others. (My addictions: Arrested Development, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Always Sunny in Philadelphia) There also is some random movies including The Breakfast Club and Weekend at Bernie's.

The Bad: There is a limited amount of programs. Sometimes, they are missing some seasons or episodes from shows which can be annoying.They have "limited commercial interruptions," but they can get fucked up and take longer than they should but you can't bypass them.

Reason #533 Why I Need A New Job.

Today I went out to lunch with the other three members of my department attempting to be social and such. The topic was 9/11 and the first Iraq war and their impact on popular culture. My boss brought up the movie Jarhead and asked if anyone else had seen it. Everyone said yes or no and then looked at me. I, being my awkward self, respond with, "No, but I really like that Kanye West song."

Silence.

"You know that song, right? Jesus Walks? It's in the trailer.... It goes 'Jesus walks. Jeeesus walks with me something God show me something something devil.' ...no? The beat is like dun dun dunnnn 'Jesus walks' and there's some rapping and a choir or a gospel singer or something...?"

Dead, dead rotting corpse silence.

Somehow out there that has to be people who would love a co-worker like me, right?

Ugh!

I feel a little snobby about the rant I am about to make, but not snobby enough not to make it.

I really like to read. In fact, I would probably put reading in my top three of favorite things to do. I try to read a book a week, but it gets expensive and I am completely skeeved out by library books. But that is an equally snobby rant for another time.

I like going to bookstores (Borders has an amazing rewards program that I heartily recommend) and wandering around aimlessly to find books I want to read. I am not ashamed to admit that I totally judge books by their covers. I would buy a book because the cover is cool or if it uses the kind of paper I like. But I would also not buy a book because the cover is lame and number one in books with lame covers are books that get reissued as movie tie-ins with covers featuring the stars of the movie versions.

Example:


The book cover is now exactly the same as the movie poster! Aggravating! The original book design is completely lost to showcase whichever celebrity is in the movie. I feel like this discourages some people from buying the book since they know they can just go see the movie instead.

Here's another one that is extra annoying:


"I am Legend" is a book of short stories. There is more in there then the one that became a movie starring Will Smith! (Plus that other cover is awesome because it is creepy as anything.)

I know nothing can be done about this and it must be incredibly exciting for the writer to see their book "come to life" but seriously can we make it so books, US Weekly and People magazine are not indistinguishable? Can't we limit the movie part to something that can be removed like a sticker? Then it makes me less cranky and there will be less reissuing and more trees.

[I will admit that I own two books with movie covers, Virgin Suicides and Prozac Nation, but I don't think either lets the "celebrity" overpower the cover. Plus I don't think Prozac Nation was ever released.]

All Systems Go.

Sometimes my own nerdiness just astounds me and I am really amazed that I can function in society. Albeit, I function very awkwardly in society, but I get by pretty well.

A Clarification.

Wow, okay, so go read the post before this one. I'll wait...

Yeah, I didn't write that. Thanks to Juan for posting a comment and then to Blogger for emailing me when I get comments because I would have had no idea about the post since I don't check my own blog for updates since I am the one who usually does the updating.

"You got a fat asshole," huh? I am totally going to start saying that. I can't decide if I should use it as a compliment like "Hey, man, those shoes got a fat asshole, I love them" or as an insult such as "That [Place I work] has got a fat asshole. Those buttheads."

Hmm, I think I like it better as a compliment, but I tend to insult things more. Any thoughts? Maybe I will just have to see when it naturally comes up in conversation next. (By which I mean, when I obsessively think and try to use it in a sentence.)

Weird Internet spam rocks. Maybe I will take it as a hint to write in this thing again, but I make no promises.

Hello.

you got a fat asshole.