I Spy.

Okay, so apparently this whole PR thing isn't working out. Any suggestions as to what career I can fail at before I even get to start next? I think I'm going to aim low and go for like a elementary school bus driver.

Everyone should visit Sweaty Robot because it is funny and you will laugh. If you don't laugh, you are not in the "target demographic" and I didn't mean for you to visit. Sillies. After you laugh, pass it on to other people who like to laugh because laughing is fun, but not sharing laughing causes you to lose an eye or possibly an arm. I think Harris Malden is my favorite although I have LOLed at all of the videos.

I fail at being a girl, Part 356

I really wanted some grilled cheese today so I decided to go make myself some because I am an independent woman. (Throw your hands up at me.) I have made grilled cheese before, but I didn't really remember the proper cheese grilling procedure. I just decided to wing it. And of course, I failed miserably. I kinda sorta left the pan on the stovetop unattended and when I came back the entire pan was filled with flames. I put a lid on it to smother the raging fire, but the sandwich was lost forever. After I pried the cheesy goo and burnt sangwich off, this is what remains of the pan:



My whole house smells like burning. The burnt sandwich was buried in the family trash can. RIP My cheesy buddy

Thriller.

Today it took me nine minutes to eat one pretzel.

They hurt my teeth.

It's Wednesday.

Sigh.

Cowboys Make Better Lovers.

I saw Brokeback Mountain this weekend. Twice. It was really fucking good. I don't normally gush about movies too much, but it was one of the best movies I've seen. It kept my complete attention the entire time even despite sitting on the floor in the aisle the first time I saw it and immature assholes laughing and making jokes throughout the second time. I shushed them like a mom at one point though.

The story is really well told and well acted. I cried like a big girl both times. Heath Ledger (Side Bar: I totally love 10 Things I Hate About You) and Jake Gyllenhaal were perfect and Michelle Williams has come a long ass way from her Dawson's Creek days. Plus it's just a pretty movie. I don't know anything about movie technical stuff, but the scenes were very postcard-esque. Like the images on screen were set-up and organized well like a photograph. I don't know what that is called in the film world or if that even makes sense.

Everyone should go see it and not be stupid assholes about it being "gay."

Doowop.

I hate hate hate how in the Winter the air is all dry and everytime you touch something you get shocked. I especially hate how in my head I'm always like, "Nope, it won't happen this time. Let me grab that doorknob....Ugh!" It's not like it hurts, it just annoys me.

Some of the Smartest People are Crazy.

This is my post where I make ramblings about things that are somewhat associated with each other. Woo! My brain is trying to be more organized.

I have a guilty obsession with Check Up On It by Beyonce. I don't know why, but I heard it on the radio and then I had to get it and listen to it 856 times in a row.

I find it somewhat comforting that you can always find Kelly Clarkson playing on some radio station. I don't necessarily like Kelly Clarkson, but for some reason knowing Kelly Clarkson is a constant in the world is nice. I do like to sing loudly and off-key to Since You've Been Gone (or U Been Gone or whatever it is called.)

Did something happen to Fat Joe? I have heard that motherfucking What's Love (Or Luv) song 5 times in my last 4 car trips. It gets in my head and I can't get it out and then Beyonce gets upset that I am cheating on her and then Kelly Clarkson comes and tells us it's a moment like this that we've been waiting for and Beyonce tells her to go smoke some more pot and put on some shoes. It's quite a mess in my head sometimes and I think I'm getting more and more crazy from being unemployed.

I think I scared y'all enough for one day...

(Credit for the title of this post goes to Heather.)

Have a nice day.

One of my 5 lovely readers (I'm looking at YOU, Domenica) told me I was slacking on the ramblings lately so this is my attempt to stop slacking.

I'm pretty boring lately which is unfortunate for y'all who still read this. I have been on two job interviews this week and I have another one on Friday. As Sara said when it rains, it pours. However, for her it's pouring job offers instead of awkward meetings where she rambles about bullshit with strangers and says stupid things. Yay for Sara though, she deserves it. Congrats!

Because of the job interviews I have brushed my hair two days in a row! I don't think that's happened since high school or freshmen year of college. I always feel bad when I go to interviews with nice hair that doesn't look like two pigeons had dirty kinky pigeon sex in it and then got chased by a half crazed wombat through it. If I got the job, it would not look that pretty very often. Maybe once a week, twice if I liked them.

I hope people just hire me and don't want to do second interviews because then I'd have to buy another pair of pants. I feel weird wearing skirts on interviews. I don't know why, but I do. It's not like I'd wear a short skirt. It's weird because before about two summers ago, I would never ever wear a skirt above my knees at all. I don't know what finally made me start to wear shorter skirts. I think it just got really hot one day.

I'm reading this book right now. It has some funny parts. It really just makes me want to watch Freaks and Geeks though. (The author is the creator of the show.) It's kind of weird because I don't think I've ever gotten into a guy's head so much. Although, I'm not sure if the author counts as a "normal" guy.

I ordered some other books off Half.com for super cheap because the library in town scares me. First, I'm scared I am going to see someone I knew when I was like 7 years old and have to talk to them. Or worse, someone who knows my parents who I'll have to talk to. Second, their book selection used to be super horrible. I don't know if it got any better, but I just imagine 856 copies of The DaVinci Code and the same old dusty Sweet Valley High books I read back in the day. Thirdly, I think I owe them like 90 bucks for some late charge.

My brain hurts. Is that good, Domenica?

Flaven!

I totally saw people do lines of coke off a Dodge City machine in a crowded bar. They were in a corner, but no attempt was made to hide what they were doing.

These college kids today...

This is why I don't leave the house.

Today I went to buy milk at the local Landhope. When I went up to pay, I tried to go to the nice smiley old man, but this other cashier called me over to her line. Of course, she was the scary crack addict kind of cashier. While I was waiting for her to ring up my $1.79 purchase and give me a receipt, she was talking to a girl standing next to the cashier booth thingy and of course, it took forever because god forbid she stop talking for 3 fucking seconds and do her job. This is their conversation:

Cracky McGee: My boyfriend is older. Like 10 years older.
Other girl: That's not too bad.
Cracky McGee: I like them older though. They do it better.
Other girl: (Doesn't hear Cracky) What?
Cracky McGee: He fucks me better.
Cracky McGee: (To me) You know?
Me: Uh, I like milk! No want receipt!

I felt like such a mom, but INAPPROPRIATE!

Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern

I lied before when I said my next post would be funny. HA! Instead my next post will be this and you all will laugh and cheer and make altars to my words. Or just skim through it and quickly shut the window.

But yeah, does anybody have any good book suggestions? I'm bored and I already read the entire Internet so I'm moving on to books. I like both non-fiction and fiction. I don't like stuff I have to read with a dictionary. My favorite book is Gone With the Wind, but that's not an accurate description of what I usually read. (By the way, has anyone seen my copy? I think my bed ate it.) A lot of history based stuff bores me because I can't remember details and I get confused.

So, yeah, pretty much anything that isn't for fancy smarty pants people because I am not one of them.

Sigh.

It's 2006. I think I'm supposed to be all, "Woo! It's a new year, yay!" but I really just don't care. My only concern is that 2006 is better than 2005 which shouldn't be too hard. However, for the first three days of 2006, I haven't done anything except sleep a lot. It's the year of laziness so far.

I'll try to think of something funny and somewhat positive for the next time I write here.