I got it.

Apparently, Courtney Love tried to eat Lindsay Lohan. I figured it all out.

Maybe some Freaky Friday-style switch took place during the attempted consumption as well.

Dear God!

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO LINDSAY LOHAN?

I totally thought this was a picture of Courtney Love.

I am bad at talking out loud.

If anyone wants to see me make a complete ass out of myself, I am presenting my senior project on Tuesday at 1:55 in the Living Arts Lounge (next to Mandell Theater, I have no idea where that is so don't ask me, but please tell me if you know). There will be free food and all the teachers I have mocked and bitched about throughout the years there. That's a lie, no one in the Communications department gives a fuck, so Al will probably be the only one there.

But, whatever, there is free food and you can see me get really sweaty. I am not good at talking whatsoever, which I know is a big shock to you all, but I can not even stress how bad I am. At least my project hasn't been done 9,000 times like the other ones have.

The Blogger spellcheck suggested the word "Fiji" instead of "fuck." I finally hit learn so it won't say that for every blog entry I make.

Hair.

How come when you have a hair on your body somewhere it is the most annoying feeling in the world? One strand of hair is so small and little and it drives me crazy. I have no idea why I can even feel the stupid hair, but I do. Then I MUST find the hair and destroy it immediately, but of course it's so fucking small I can't grab it and I end up in some asshole position like with my elbow behind my head and frantically picking at my shirt sleeves.

My future.

I graduate college in less than a month and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm working it out bit by bit.

My first major decision is that I have decided I want to have a job that requires me to carry a clipboard around occasionally and yell shit at people and they have to say, "Check" back to me.

Does anyone know any job that requires a clipboard?

Hydration is cool.

Did you know that you are supposed to shake Gatorade well before opening?

I didn't, but today I read the label and it informed me I should have been shaking my Gatorade all these years.

I like Teevee.

Everyone should watch Veronica Mars. I know, I know... Make fun of me, go ahead.

You done?


C'mon, hurry up.


Okay, well moving on. It's really fucking good. It's interesting and well written and it's a shame it's on UPN. It's better quality than all the shows on UPN currently and that were ever on UPN combined and doubles it. (TM Ram) I say it triples it.

It's really surprising. Plus it has a really good theme song.

I'm so adorable when I complain.

This morning in class we had a fire drill. It was very third grade. And, wow, there's nothing like a fire drill to make you realize how unpopular you are. Everyone was talking in their little groups and I just stood there thinking about how cold my feet were and how it was too early to make small talk.

Yes, it's true.

What we have all thought for a long time is officially true. I am an 80 year old woman stuck in a 21 year old's body. If my taste in shoes, sweaters and a certain flower shirt, which I still swear is cool, wasn't enough of a hint, I shall tell you my 4 lovely readers why I am an old lady. I got a new cell phone and I could not for the life of me figure out how to do anything on it, but turn it on. My 18 year old cousin had to program it and show me how to use it. She also set my ring to this loud, embarrassing song that says, "HELLO MOTO." I have no idea how to change it.

I also apparently drove like an old lady today, according to my sister, who claims I ride the right side of the road too much. Pssh, whatever, I'm just practicing for my career as a mailperson.

Greek Week.

It is Greek Week. I am really confused by the idea of sororities and fraternities in general, so Greek Week is especially confusing to me. From what I gather, the members get together and yell a lot and wear all the same color. Then they do dances and sing. I can see why people are so desperate to join these organizations. It's like preschool all over again, no decision making, sing-a-long time, your clothes are already picked out for you. They also get to draw on the sidewalk and make pictures. (I'm actually pretty jealous about that one.) If there was a nap time, I'd think about joining. I love me some nappin'.

I wonder if real Greeks, as in people from Greece, not whoever wins Greek Week, get upset about idiot college kids who go around proclaiming how "Greek" they are because they ate the most chicken wings in 5 minutes. Last time I checked wings weren't a Greek specialty, but what do I know?