Addiction.

I am addicted to reading the Free section on craigslist. It started because I was hoping someone would have a free puppy on there or something, but lately I just read them for something to do.

I don't need anything, but I always click on the links and wonder if I ever will need some of the stuff and if I should act on it now while it's free. Because I am anal retentive, I don't want things like couches or chairs. That just skeeves me out. Instead I consider things like a 7 toed cat or packing peanuts or other assorted crap like magazines, boxes, dishwashers, etc.

Tis a sad life I lead.

I made it to 100 posts. Someone give me a job as a reward, please.

Things I Like.

I greatly enjoy tagless tshirts. I know you can just cut the tags out of tshirts on your own in about 1 minute, but sometimes there is that scratchy stub left that still annoys the shit out of me and is possibly more annoying than the whole tag was to begin with. Also, then you can never remember what size the shirt was because of course with that brand you couldn't just buy your normal size, you had to get a different one and you don't know that because you had to cut out the tag made of goddamn steel wool so you could do something else besides itch your fucking neck all day...

I also greatly enjoyed The 40 Year Old Virgin. It was really funny.

I'm going to need a front porch too.

I love how old people have crazy little old people walks. They bounce or slouch or bend their knees funny or do something crazy.

I already have the old lady shoes and the old man pants. I totally can't wait until I have the old crazy person walk. I've already started working on it. Mine will involve dangerously flailing my limbs about.

This is for Sara.

As inspired by Sara, here is my sad, uncool list. I am huge nerdy loser. It's official.

The Rolling Stones
Hanson
Hanson
Hanson
Dave Matthews Band
The Rolling Stones
Dave Matthews Band
Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band
Backstreet Boys (It was FREE!)
Q Concert 2000 (I don't remember who was there)
Dave Matthews Band
Hanson
Dave Matthews Band
Y100 Feztival 2001 (Weezer, Barenaked Ladies...)
Sugar Ray
Britney Spears (It was FREE!)
Dashboard Confessional
Saves The Day
Skate and Surf Festival
Skate and Surf Festival
Skate and Surf Festival
Catch 22, The Movielife and Coheed and Cambria
Weezer, Dashboard Confessional
The Rolling Stones
Dashboard Confessional
Counting Crows
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Bright Eyes
Alkaline Trio
Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band
Hanson
Hanson
Hanson
Hanson
Polyphonic Spree
The Weakerthans
The Decemberists
The Rolling Stones (in October)
Hanson (in October)

Fuck, that's a lot of Hanson. If anyone doesn't want to be my friend anymore, I'll understand.

Also, please keep in mind I went to an all girl's Catholic school, it was required there to like Dave Matthews.

Jumpin' Jack Flash.

I got a job. I am going to be an intern again. It's pathetic and not real and only 2 days a week for 6 weeks, but, whatever, at least I'll be doing something. Right...?

However, this time I will be paid dog doo. I don't even want to put my rate here because I am ashamed. I think because of gas prices, I will actually be losing money too. Eh, at least I won't be staring at the wall all day long. Well, at least my basement wall, it'll be some office wall. I think I am screwing myself over in the short run, but hopefully helping myself in the long run.

Hopefully, I will not have to sit in the hallway again like at QVC. Maybe I'll get to be near someone who isn't a complete idiot too.

Today is the anniversary of the day my puppy went away to the farm. :o( I think that I should get a new one. Who wants to buy me one of these for my birthday? They are Jack Russell shorties and I love them. They are one hour away from Bergen County, NJ... (Cough, Ro, cough.)

Lap Dance

Who wants to be my friend?

I have 4 tickets to go see Hanson at the Trocadero in October. Woo.

You know you wanna go so you can watch me shake it (badly) to "Lost Without Each Other."

This is my 94th post.

Wow, that's a lot longer than I thought I'd do this thing for. I thought it would be like when I took up... uh, well I never took up anything before. So, 94 is pretty good for me. I'm sure that's a low number for as long as I've had this, but let me have my fucking moment.

Alright, in other news that no one gives a fuck about. I beat Level 3 of Bart Vs. the Space Mutants and have now moved on to Level 4. I think this is the hardest game ever created. Level 4 is insane, there are mummies and rivers and lasers!

One August goal is completed, one to go. It's sad that I totally did the unimportant one first. I know everyone probably thinks I'm a useless bum and stuff like that, but someone has to be the unemployed useless bum. I make everyone else feel better about themselves and that's fine with me.

My new August goal is to have a fun story to share that isn't about television or Nintendo.

Sara and I did manage to pick up old, married men at a bar and get them to buy us beer. Well, I think Sara more picked them up. As we all know, I'm not very nice and don't talk to strangers. It was fun though. I also introduced Sara to Erotic Photo Hunt (Hi Mom!) which she is very good at. We actually finally had one that was missing a boob! It was awesome.

Lifetime: Television for the Really Bored.

I love how everyone else posts about things they do and stuff that has happened to them and I post about what I watch on TV. It's nothing, but good times being unemployed...

I love Lifetime movies. (Yeah Ro!) They are cheesy and awesome and they teach me great life lessons.

I recently watched the horribly bad movie She's Too Young featuring the sort of recent Oscar winner and nominee, Marcia Gay Harden. It was not as awesomely bad as the masturbation movie, Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life, where a young boy was an outcast for masturbating because he was the only teen boy who did it and all other teens didn't do it and he was disgusting for doing it and his classmates hated him because he masturbated and somehow a girl in his high school class had her own porn site, but she was popular not gross and then the other boys kicked the crap out of him for being such a perv.

Basically, She's Too Young can be summarized by its tagline: To fit In, you've gotta put out. It's all about how girls need to give boys blowjobs in order to be popular. And then the girls get syphilis. And the parents don't care, except Marcia, because they want their girls to be popular so it's okay that they are 14 and have orgies and steal porn and pick up random guys at the coffee house to give head to.

The "hot" guy in the movie must have been like 48 years old and looked like a child molester, but for some reason if you blew him you were instantly cool. You were also cool if you said stuff like "whack" and "girlfriend."

Thus in conclusion: giving blowjobs makes you cool and popular.

Things I Think About..

I really wish I knew how to tap dance. I think that would be really cool. Especially if I got involved in a tap dance challenge and there was a big giant tap dance showdown.

That would be awesome.

Oh, Gmail.

Today I got the greatest Gmail ad ever.

The Original Fecalgram
Anonymously send them a box of poop and see their reaction online.
fecalgram.com


I'm scared to go to the site. Someone go for me. Please...

If I didn't complain all the time, I'd have nothing to say.

I needed to write something and I didn't know what else to say. This is what you are going to get and you better like it.

I pretty much feel like I'm going to vomit all the time. Is that an ulcer? I looked it up on WebMD, but the information about ulcer says "stool" a lot and it just makes me laugh. When I looked up "stomach pain" most of the results were about pregnancy.

My personal diagnosis is that I'm going to die eventually and until then I will just feel vomitous a lot and whine a lot and you all will love and appreciate me and relish in my awesomeness. (Remember: I am extra super awesome because I once saw Frankie Muniz rock out to MMMBop and play the drums.) Or everyone will just tell me to shut up and beat me. I vote for Plan A.

My exciting goals for the month of August include:
1. Beat Level 3 of Bart VS. the Space Mutants.
2. Get one of those job things everyone has but me.

That is the excitment y'all have to look forward to reading about. How can you stand it?