Holy Shit.

Wow. Okay so I see this on Go Fug Yourself, which by the way is very funny and you should look at it, and my brain hurt. Who the fuck would wear that to prom? I think it may be too slutty for the class slut. The description on the site is very accurate of my own thoughts.

After reading the comments on the picture, I find out the dress comes from Impression Bridal, which apparently makes the world's ugliest dresses. My retinas exploded upon contact with this site. Some of my favorites for you:

I like how all the models look like they are smelling farts. I know you people don't really care about fashion or proms, but this was too funny to me. Just go look. Thank you.

Huh?

What the fuck happened to the Olsen Twins' lips?

Especially the blonde one:

Why do they always push their lips out like that? Could someone please make them stop? It freaks me out.

Soda cans.

Today I was waiting for class to start and I was sitting in my chair staring at my shoes. The end.

Just kidding. As I am sitting there this lady walks in and starts digging through the trash. There was only one other girl in the room and we were off to the other side so I don't think she saw us at first. When she did, she walked out. This is when I noticed that she was kinda dirty. I continue staring at her and she starts going through the recycling bin. She then takes out a soda can and puts it in her bag. She then comes back into the classroom I am in and looks through the trash for more cans.

I am assuming that she was homeless. Maybe she was a crazy, dirty art teacher making something out of soda cans, but I just went with the homeless theory. I didn't know homeless people actually collected aluminum cans. I thought that was like a movie stereotype or something. The funny part was that I think she tried to disguise herself as a college student by pulling her hair into pigtails.

I am mad.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU CAN TAKE YOUR GOD DAMN PONYTAIL AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.

YOU ARE NOT COOL. IT IS NOT COOL TO GO TO BARS THAT YOUR STUDENTS GO TO EITHER.

I DON'T CARRY ABOUT YOUR THEORIES ON COMMUNICATIONS AND SEX.

YOU ARE A BIG GIANT, CREEPY, PERV FACE.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Almost Done.

I am a senior at the University I Attend and have only the rest of this term and one more to go. Today I had two classes Spanish and Bio. So I decided that the cool thing to do was just to skip them. However, I did not just skip them for any old reason, I skipped them for research purposes only! Christina and I decided that we needed to practice for Senior Cut Day. We have no idea if this day exists in college, but in case it does we wanted to be ready. Thus, we sat around all day instead of learning about the preterite tense in Spanish and about Mendel and his fucking pea plants.

Personally, I think we did the right thing. Especially since it was in the name of science. If anyone else would like to participate in our study, let us know.

Holy crap.

Okay, I felt bad before making fun of people I didn't know, so I managed to find a picture of people who live in my building and attend The University I Attend. I have had class with some of these girls. I still feel shitty mocking them, but oh well... If anyone knows them, I apologize.

Um, so okay, I'm a little speechless. What the fuck was the girl all the way to the left thinking? I think she had a nervous breakdown and cracked open a bottle of self tanner and smeared it all over her face. I think she would have done better if she just had a normal nervous breakdown and spread feces all over herself. I like how on her right eye she left a white outline. I don't know if that's from tanning goggles or if she ran out of time, but whatever it is, she's scary.

My personal favorite, however, is Midge, the third girl from the left. Did she just get felt up in the bathroom? Why is her bra hanging out like that? I am actually thankful that she did wear a bra, unlike most girls I see out. She has some class, she just must have lost some of it when someone slipped her a roofie and felt her boobies and then sent her off to get her picture taken. Also, you can't see it in this picture but Midge wears the most eye makeup on earth everyday. She seriously smears dark shadow all the way up to her eyebrows and like three inches to the left of her eye. Then adds dark eyeliner to accentuate where the shadow is. This may be a cute night look for some people, but it's not really everyday wear. She has really cute hair though. See, I can say nice things too!

I Know I'm Weird.

Today I have a super special treat for you! I'm going to complain! This never happens, so please bear with me if I don't do it correctly. There is one thing out there that I do not like the most out of all the things I don't like. Apparently, I'm the only person in the world (or at least of the people I know) who does not like it, but I am going to try to explain it as best I can.

I hate gum. I do not like it. It completely grosses me out. Why someone would want to chew on a little rubber-y substance in their mouth for hours is beyond me. Gum usually loses its taste after a few minutes anyway, why keep gnawing on it? It just gets all spitty and smelly and nasty and ugh...I also hate the noise it makes when it gets chewed. It sounds all squishy and wet. It is not attractive.

Before anyone says anything, I have tried gum. I was in 5th grade once too, I chewed Bubblelicious or whatever that shit was. And like any sane person would, after 3 chews I spit the fucker out. I don't understand why chewing gum is appealing to some people. If your breath stinks, eat a mint. If you want to lose weight or stop smoking, get a fucking lollipop. It worked for Missy Elliot.

I don't mind if other people chew gum, if you enjoy looking like a cow, (well, not all people look like a cow, most people I know have manners and chew with their mouth shut) go for it. If it appeals to you for some reason, go for it. But please, don't look at me like a freak when I say I don't like it. You probably don't like something I do.

Pink is pretty.

Ahem. While trying to clean up some of my crap, I decided to count how many articles of clothing and accessories I have that are pink. Here is the tally, so far:

27 pink shirts
4 pink skirts
1 pink pair of pants
1 pink sweater
2 pink coats
1 pink pair of sneakers (yay for Juan!)
2 pink bags
2 pink wallets
2 pairs of pink sheets
1 pink quilt
and a pink iPod sock. (double yay for Juan!)

I did not count red. I have a life, you know, I can't just stand around counting my shit all day long. Geez.

The List.

As according to me and Christina, we present the people who looked bad at the Golden Globes, people who looked pretty at the Golden Globes and people who need to eat a motherfucking sandwich. I made links, yay. I don't know what you say to not get sued, so uh: All pictures are copyrighted by someone important, who is not me, and from either Getty Images or Zap2It.com.

The Pretty:
Emmy Rossum
Jennifer Garner
Teri Hatcher
Mariska Hargitay
Evangeline Lilly
Joely Richardson
Kate Hudson
Claire Danes
Mischa Barton
Debra Messing
Uma Thurman
Portia De Rossi
Kate Winslet

The Ugly:
Natalie Portman (We're sorry, we love you, but you wore a SACK!)
Halle Berry
Paula Abdul
Diane Kruger
Lisa Marie Presley
Julianna Margulies

Get Them to The Deli:
Marcia Cross
Nicole Kidman
Renee Zellweger
Mischa Barton
Cate Blanchett

PS.

An update for y'all. Today Vladimir informed me that he shops at Wal-Mart. He also has a new bag to carry his books in. No more funny blue gym bag. Now he has a black laptop bag to match his fanny pack. :o(

People are random.

Today when walking to class, I was behind two girls. The following is an excerpt of their conversation:

Girl #1: So, how did you two become friends?
Girl #2: Well, we became best friends in middle school. She was in my class. You know what that is like, we both had cancer and stuff.

God Bless Bad Fashion.

At the University I Attend I am currently taking Advanced Public Relations. I know PR is the root of all that is evil and immoral and blah fucking blah, but it's easy and my GPA likes A's. That, however, is not my point. My point is my teacher provides me with hours of enjoyment.

The teacher is Russian or something foreign-ish and because I'm a horrible person and have no idea what exact country he is from just that he has a funny accent, I will refer to him as Vladimir. So, Vladimir apparently has been asleep for the past 20-odd years. The man is living in the '80's. He has the Tom Cruise cut from Risky Business and completes it with a big mustache exactly like that stereotypical crazy cop mustache.

He always wears black jeans and black high top Reeboks with VELCRO at the ankle! I think they are the same ones that were cool in like 2nd grade. His shirts are not very '80's just old man-ish. They are always button down shirts in like dark green or blue that do not match his black jeans, I think his mom probably bought them for him when he boarded the boat to America back in 1981. Today Vlad wore his winter coat which made me squeal with glee, it was a jean jacket. However, it was not just a blue jean jacket, it was a blue stonewashed, bleached, tie-dyed jean jacket. I wish I had a camera phone, I totally would have taken a picture of it.

Vladimir is a gentleman and therefore knows how to accessorize. To complete his daily assembles, he carries his books in a duffel bag. The bag resembles those kinds you could order in middle school or collect when you sold like 856 magazine subscriptions. The girls' was always purple and had a unicorn on it and the boys' was blue and had like a baseball bat or something on it. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? No? Okay, back to the most awesome part of the outfit. Vladimir gets up every day and puts on A FANNY PACK. I shit you not, this man wears a black leather fanny pack in public everyday, all day long. It appears to be quite full. I usually spend all of the class wondering what he has in there, because he is the most boring teacher ever. He just rambles and shows you statistics that have nothing to do with anything. (And that's only cool when I do it.) Sometimes he says the word "bullshit" and I pay attention, but mostly I just think about the fanny pack. I've determined that he keeps a framed picture of Don Johnson or Erik Estrada or Patrick Swayze in there.

Whoa, folks. Whoa.

I think my body has become 75% carbohydrates instead of water.

Hmm.

When did Jeff Bridges start getting his hair done by Steven Seagal?