Oh, Vlad.

Today in PR class, we were talking about mascots, specifically Charlie the Tuna, because I had to do this presentation about StarKist Tuna and Charlie is their mascot. That wasn't the point of this entry, but it is pretty funny now that I think about that I spent 8 minutes discussing tuna fish and a talking cartoon tuna today.

Anyway. In the midst of the mascot talk, Vladimir spits out the most random comment ever, which I immediately wrote down to share with you all, my 3 loyal readers. So, Vladimir while wearing a skin tight zip up ribbed turtleneck that was blue and had like this white tiedye, bleach pattern of zig zags on it and his skin tight black jeans said, "Dees thing known as Carrot Top. You know of heem? For long time, I not know if eet man or if eet de woman."

Is Carrot Top a mascot to foreigners? Does he greet you when you get off the boat at the entrance to America with a big flag shirt?

Woof.

Man, that dog hates her so much. First off, she named it Bit Bit. Secondly, she named it after herself, and thirdly, look at its eyes! They are burning like the fires of Mordor!

*There's a picture. I don't know why it takes 18 years to load sometimes.

Old people live in Florida.

When I was in Florida, I was watching TV with my sister while waiting to go eat dinner with my family. Because we were in Florida we had to watch Jeopardy like the rest of the population does. However, we weren't watching it as we fell asleep after eating our early bird special at 4 pm. Anyway, all the commercials were for stuff like Metamucil and Olvatine and shit which I thought was kind of odd, so I commented on it. My sister informed me that we were in Florida and old people live there thus why we suddenly wanted to buy osteoporosis pills.

Then this one commercial came on featuring this woman going to a spa with her friends, taking yoga classes and climbing a mountain and I thought we were finally watching a "young people" ad since the theme was obviously "I conquered my genital herpes and look what I can do now." Of course, I was wrong. The theme was actually, "I conquered shitting and pissing in my pants and look what I can do now." It was a commercial for Depends Adult Diapers. The woman in the commercial was not THAT old, I have no idea why they decided to put a 30 year old woman in this ad, but they did.

The best part was during her spiel about how much freedom her Depends gave her in her daily life. I swear on everything pink I own, she said, "They are almost bulletproof!" BULLETPROOF! Fucking bulletproof diapers! They also double as a motorcycle helmet in a crunch, I believe.

My sister heard the same exact thing as I did, so I'm not crazy at least. (Well, anymore crazy than I already am) We both almost needed Depends after this because we were laughing so hard.

I'm old...sorta..

I am graduating the University I Attend in June and then my life shall be over and apparently I become lame and old and nothing is cool anymore. At least that's what Vladimir told us in PR the other day. Then he added, "Oh, then you get married and you should just give up on everything." Thanks Vlad, you're super, you fucking ass.

But anyway, I somewhat see his point. I have to get a job soon and those suck. I don't like cubicles and the fluorescent lights make me look like I have malaria or something. So I decided I needed to get my ass into gear and do stuff. However, it is cold right now, so I won't do shit until I can go outside without my teeth chattering. Being the nerd I am, I decided to prepare and make a list of the Things I Must Do Before I Graduate College and Everything Starts To Go Downhill. (I'm working on the name of the list.)

The first thing on it was to drink a whole 40. I realized that I never finished one, I always quit when it got warm or my wrist hurt from lifting it. As you saw from my previous posts, I accomplished this. Now I need more. So, I ask you the 3 people who read this, what should I do? Help out a graduating girl.

Godspeed!

That was my brain on beer.

I don't remember typing that last post. I remember writing the first line, but not the rest of it. Sara only remembers the first line too. I think the devil made me write that or maybe a massive amount of beer. My brain works in a funny way sometimes.

Wah wah.

Malt liquor is made by the devil.

And it's totally 7 PM.

And Sara's lung has a tumor.

But Moulin Rouge rocks my socks.

As well as procrastination and Boggle.

And really bad country songs about a girl named Joanne.

God bless that.

And by the way, there's a worm in my spaghetti! Wah wah.

Something I've Learned.

I recently learned that it is possible to be drunk all day, every day and function. One can become a functioning alcoholic.

It requires much training, work, dedication and discipline, but it can be done.

God bless role models.