Old people live in Florida.

When I was in Florida, I was watching TV with my sister while waiting to go eat dinner with my family. Because we were in Florida we had to watch Jeopardy like the rest of the population does. However, we weren't watching it as we fell asleep after eating our early bird special at 4 pm. Anyway, all the commercials were for stuff like Metamucil and Olvatine and shit which I thought was kind of odd, so I commented on it. My sister informed me that we were in Florida and old people live there thus why we suddenly wanted to buy osteoporosis pills.

Then this one commercial came on featuring this woman going to a spa with her friends, taking yoga classes and climbing a mountain and I thought we were finally watching a "young people" ad since the theme was obviously "I conquered my genital herpes and look what I can do now." Of course, I was wrong. The theme was actually, "I conquered shitting and pissing in my pants and look what I can do now." It was a commercial for Depends Adult Diapers. The woman in the commercial was not THAT old, I have no idea why they decided to put a 30 year old woman in this ad, but they did.

The best part was during her spiel about how much freedom her Depends gave her in her daily life. I swear on everything pink I own, she said, "They are almost bulletproof!" BULLETPROOF! Fucking bulletproof diapers! They also double as a motorcycle helmet in a crunch, I believe.

My sister heard the same exact thing as I did, so I'm not crazy at least. (Well, anymore crazy than I already am) We both almost needed Depends after this because we were laughing so hard.