Somethings.

Today things happened:

Thing That Annoyed Me: Mondays suck. Everyone knows that. It's super fucking great when you are finally able to be so in denial about the fact that it is Monday and you have five full days of hearing aids, pardon instruments, left that you can convince yourself that it is not Monday. But then of course, you step into your car and the local easy listening station has to play Monday songs. Because nothing helps Monday pass than being constantly reminded about it through smooth jams like "Manic Monday."

Thing That Creeped Me Out: My boss told me I wasn't allowed to wear my green skirt tomorrow because she loved it so much and she was finally able to track down one for herself. Then she asked me where I got my pants because those were great too...

Thing That Made Me Sleepy: Pretending that my tasks to complete for the next three days actually took longer than two hours. Seriously, it is not THAT hard to title 8 columns in a spreadsheet.

Ears and ears and ears.

Today at work I tied myself seven times in tic-tac-toe.

It was a very entertaining day.

Ask Miss Joanne.

Wow. After applying to over 120 jobs, going on over 20 interviews, attending 3 networking meetings, talking with 2 job hunting "experts," buying 2 pairs of dress pants, buying 1 suit, returning 1 suit, getting 8 rejection letters and 1 rejection email (including 2 for jobs I never interviewed for), and never hearing back after 6 interviews, I got a job.

Thus in conclusion, fuck you motherfuckers, the Joanne Boat of Awesomeness and Hard Work has sailed away. Some other company will be hearing my humorous and witty anecdotes and getting free mushrooms. (Unless you want to give me more money...)

But seriously, some people need to grow the fuck up and be decent. Don't never call someone back especially after they gave you a large chunk of their time and handwrote you a thank you note! Don't be a complete asshole during an interview.

Remember that thing your mother/father/grandparent/aunt/uncle/legal guardian told you when you were a kid, "Treat others how you want to be treated?" Follow that. Just because you are employed, it doesn't mean you are the Crown Princess of Super Special Awesome Fun Time Land.

That's only true for me.

Birth control.

Oh for fuck's sake:

TULSA, Okla. - Zac Hanson of pop group Hanson will marry longtime girlfriend, Kate Tucker, this weekend, the group's publicist said.

Katie McNeil said, Hanson, 20, and Tucker, 22, his girlfriend of five years, will marry Saturday in Atlanta.

"The couple is planning an intimate ceremony with close family and friends," McNeil said in an e-mail.

Hanson and his brothers Isaac, 25, and Taylor, 23, formed Hanson in Tulsa. They are best known for their 1997 hit single, "MMMBop," which helped ignite the boy band craze.

The trio is now working on a follow-up to their 2004 album, "Underneath."

I know no one cares, but I like to share my Hanson news with you all anyway. Especially when it's ridiculous.

Official Announcement: I am a Nerd.

I got drunk the other day which is suprising I know because I hardly do that. I mean I am unemployed so I don't really have the time to drink.

But yeah, I ordered six books drunkenly. I am that big of a nerd that I bought books drunk. I don't know what made me order them, but I did.

I got 3 of the books in the mail today and they were pretty random so I went to Half.com to see what the hell I got and I actually did an okay job. Confusing, but okay. I think I randomly picked stuff off my wishlist and that Half.com told me too. However, I bought Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix which is really confusing to me because I already read it and I don't know why I would randomly buy the fifth book in the series. I didn't even really like that one as much. I don't know. I wish I understood how my brain worked.

Dancing goats.

Half.com recommended that I buy the book "What to Expect when you are Expecting." I don't know if this is better or worse then when all their recommendations were stories about lesbians and gay culture.

I think I have officially been living at home too long. The sound of people in my family chewing drives me insane. Like I seriously have those dream sequences in my head where you do some bizarre act like drown them in the kitchen sink like in Best Friends Forever, a short written and directed by Juan so I may be biased in my like of it and its influence on my desire to murder people who chew loudly and smack their lips and for fuck's sake, keep your goddamn mouth closed!

I also need a new career aspiration. Any ideas? Apparently, I am not qualified to be an administrative assistant because I don't have past job experience that shows that I know how to type, file, answer phones and be nice to people. Alright, well, I can do three of those at least.

Summer has officially started. I have gotten three mosquito bites.

The Zoo!

I finally went to the zoo! And yes, it was as awesome as I remembered. Because I am me, I take pictures of only the animals with weird problems.

Exhibit A:

Puzzles the Giraffe
Apparently, Puzzles has some sort of weird tumor/goiter/ball sac growing on his chin. As if giraffes weren't funny enough already, in captivity some of them develop these weird thingies on their face. Poor Puzzles.

Exhibit B:

Poor old tortoise who doesn't have a name or a fancy sign explaining why he is strapped to a skateboard. I think it's because he is probably like 100 years old and heavy as shit. I don't know if you can tell, but this is a picture of him when he is somewhat stuck. It was sad, he was trudging along and fell in a little ditch.

The zoo also has these awesome Peter Parker Spiderman monkeys that wall jump and are awesome. I will totally accept one as a gift, in case anyone was contemplating buying me something.