I'm done.

So, I am done with college. I won't graduate until next week, but I'm done. I got all the grades and returned all the books and bought the ridiculously overpriced black robe. It's very weird. I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I'll pretty much work anywhere and do anything. Hire me! I don't know what I like or don't like, so I just need a job to determine if I like it. I do not like the food service industry, I know that one. Hire me!

It's insane to think that I am no longer a college student, but am now a twentysomething. I think that means I may have responsibilities and shit soon. I can't imagine me as a grown up. I am not adequately prepared for that. Does being a grown up mean I can't wear my sneakers with holes in them anymore? Or my nerdy tshirts with pictures of dinosaurs, aliens, Mickey Mouse, or TVs on them? Am I still allowed to laugh over fart jokes? My dad still thinks shit jokes are funny, but is that only okay because he's a guy? Can I not giggle anymore when someone says "balls?" Am I not allowed to watch the WB anymore? Do grown ups sing along to Disney musicals at the top of their lungs? Can I still eat cereal as a meal? Holy shit, do grown ups still wear pink? If not, I'm pretty much down to 4 shirts.

I can't be a grown up! I can't even balance my checkbook. And I still call my dad anytime a light turns on on my car dashboard. I pretty much call him any time anything confusing happens. I am never going to be a woman, I can't even bring myself to consider myself a "young adult." I still classify myself as a girl.

This stuff really freaks me out. I keep having the most insane thoughts. I am trying my best not to think about it. It's going sort of alright. I don't feel any different yet, but this huge blob of change is just hanging out right in front of me, mocking me. I just want to kick it in the fucking balls. Hee, I said balls.