"Oy, with the poodles already!"

I have not had anything remotely funny happen to me or have observed anything funny happen because there is no funny-ness when you are stuck in your house all day. I have watched the entire second season of The Gilmore Girls on DVD and laughed out loud numerous times, but I don't think anyone wants to read about that.

I like to drive in my car because at least then I am somewhat outside and not a complete vampire. I see a lot of dead animals. If you were there we'd play Roadkill Bingo. By you, I mean anyone because as of right now I've named my passenger seat Smitty and talk to it. I always kick Smitty's ass at Roadkill Bingo. God, he is so bad at it! Smitty, however, is awesome at the staring game and the silence game. Tomorrow I may bring out the Monopoly board so I can feel superior to Smitty again.

Sigh, memories.

This is a little odd.

I purchased a tank top from Victoria's Secret online and it came and I did not like it. It was made for someone who had no boobs, despite the built in bra it came with. (Gosh, isn't this interseting?) So, I mailed the shirt back to them and filled out their little return form and whatnot. My reason for returning it was option 206: I changed my mind. I swear there was an option for everything. I just checked my email and I got a return confirmation letter from them. This is the opening:

"Dear Joanne, Your return has been received and is currently being processed. We're sorry that you were disappointed with your purchase. The details of your return arelisted below."

The 2nd sentence there really struck me as odd. I've returned stuff before. No one has ever expressed sorrow over my disappointment before. I want to reply to the email and tell them that I wasn't disappointed, I just have boobs. Maybe they will include that as their 207th option. Reason for return: I have breasts.

Help.

I need saving. The at home boredom has fully sunk in. I can no longer amuse myself with being at home. I did all the fun things 862 times already. Cable TV is my one joy. I have watched so much TLC, Law & Order: SVU reruns, MTV and VH1 this week. I already knew a lot of useless crap, but its multiplied by a thousand. For god's sake people today I watched Spice World! Spice World starring the Spice Girls! Yesterday, I watched Sidekicks featuring Chuck Norris, Jonathan Brandis and Winnie Cooper. I can only dream of what I'll get to see tomorrow.

Please save me..

By the way: According to IMDB, Chuck Norris sang the theme song to Walker, Texas Ranger.

Trim Spa, baby.

Can someone please tell me why the Presidents of the United States of America's song "Kitty" plays during the new TrimSpa commercial with Anna Nicole Smith? Is there a reason? I usually get things, but this I do not get at all.

Oh yeah, balls.

I forgot to put this in my last post and it's easier with dial-up to just make a new post instead of editing the old one.

Today I had to buy balls for my mom. We always make this cinnamon/raisin/walnut/death/deliciousness thing every Christmas morning and you need to buy these dough balls to do it. It was my job this year to hunt down the balls. We went to 4 different grocery stores and there were no balls. I just had to keep rifling through the freezer section and asking people for balls. I could have said dough, but that's no fun so I would always say balls and giggle. The balls are actually called "Rich's Balls" so I would go to the grocery attendant and say, "Pardon, sir, do you carry Rich's Balls?"

But, alas, the great hunt hath ended. Today I found Rich's balls! I got two bags of balls just to be safe and so I wouldn't have to go out in the cold again. So in case you know Rich, let him know I have two bags of his ball's in my freezer.

The Dentist.

Today I went to the dentist. I actually really like to go because I'm a huge nerd. I don't know why, but having my teeth cleaned makes me happy. I like all his equipment and stuff too. I'm such a nerd, I know.

This time I had to get a filling. It was my very first one! I didn't have a cavity, but I had a small pit. I have no idea what that meant, but I love the dentist so I was okay with it.

They numbed the top left side of my mouth. Because it's the top I'm not drooling but I am drinking water and it's really weird because it feels hot on my top left, not cold.

I think I like going to the dentist so much because of my dentist. He is very...excited about teeth. Today he kept telling me I was "awesome with a side of chips" for being brave and getting a filling. He then teared up over how close my father and uncle are and told me how hot my aunt was after she lost her baby weight. He also told me I needed to get my wisdom teeth pulled within six months. He told me not to be scared because I was too awesome to be scared and I'd "rock like a rock star" through the procedure. Which is somewhat ironic because he is unable to pull teeth because of his own fears.

So, if you're my dentist I love you.

Christmas is COMING!!! Nerds also love Christmas.

Ah, home.

I am at home for Christmas break. At home, I have dial-up. Yes, dial-up. It is quite tragic and it takes me 8 years to update this sucker. Oh, woe is me!

I went shopping with my mother to our local TJ Maxx which is always filled with alot of stupid (and somewhat trashy) people. I love it. This time however, we saw these two girls who may have been the most annoying people EVER. It was that bad. They didn't shut up the entire time the were in the store and seemed to be following me wherever I went. They were slightly large girls and not very attractive, so they decided that the best way to fix all that was to buy thongs, Extra Small sized thongs. I heard the one fat, annoying girl say that the thongs in her size were too big and ugly so she'd just rather wear the XS ones because they are so cute. Her slightly more fat, and more annoying friend nearly freaked out because she too dislikes the XL thongs that she should wear and thought this was the greatest idea ever. The fat, annoying girl's name was also "La" which as Sara knows holds a special place in my heart for I knew a very dumb girl once who we called La. I will write about her someday, don't worry.

When we left the store my mom asked me if I thought they were high or doing a different drug. I told her that I didn't know, but that I suspected they were like that because their underwear was just so damn tight.