The time I broke my ass..

Because I am bored I am going to tell you the story of how I once broke my ass. Well, it's not really so much a story as a random event that caused me to break my ass. And I didn't really break my ass, but saying that makes me laugh because I am 5. And it's not really that great of a thing to discuss but I'm unemployed and live at home so cut me a break and read my story and humor me.

It all happened when I was going out to our garage to get a drink or something when I was a junior in high school during dinner one time. To get to the garage from the kitchen, you have to go down two wooden steps and as I was going down the steps, I stepped on the edge of the first step. (By edge, I mean that little piece of overhanging material on the step) Of course, the wood breaks right as I step on it and I completely fall to the ground.

In front of me was a very big SUV and to the right was a trash can full of glass so I tried to fall to the left. Which I successfully did, but of course I land in my dog's heavy duty, hard plastic waterbowl and into the metal thing that pokes out of the wall to hold the garden hose in place.

I only fell two steps, but I was NOT expecting the step to break and I walk down stairs very forcefully, apparently. (My mother calls me her baby elephant.) Because of these factors, I landed so incredibly fucking hard that I completely shattered the bowl, fell through to the concrete and jammed my back into the metal prong-y things full force.

I sat on the ground dazed and my ass full of plastic bits and soaked with water in complete shock. My mom freaked out and called my dad who then drove over as fast as possible and then my whole family had to examine my ass because I couldn't move off the floor and they thought I broke my tailbone. Eventually I got up and luckily, convinced them not to take me to the emergency room, but for the next two weeks my whole ass was a giant bruise and quite possibly the most unattractive ass ever seen by mankind. Wasn't that just a lovely story?

PS. My dog did get a brand new shiny metal waterbowl as a replacement.
PPS. I'm not sure if I find this post funny anymore or just really sad.